Interview with an Atheist

As part of my research into atheism, I sat down with James K., an atheist and leader of an online science advocacy group. I’m withholding details about his identity for his privacy. James was kind enough to answer some questions about his beliefs.

Why did you decide to become an atheist?

“There are many different reasons for why I am an atheist today. However, in the beginning it was the cool hat that first caught my attention. Every religion has their own hat, but atheism has the best hat. After deciding to investigate atheism, it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with the witty memes and a judgemental dogma that severely condemns intolerance.”

In your own words, what is atheism?

“Atheism is the belief that the world is inherently irrational and infinite.”

Do you have any evidence to support your claim for a godless model of the Universe?

“No, evidence is a feature of a local region of temporary order. Things like atheism, science, and logic have no objective basis in the sea of chaos.”

What exactly are your feelings towards God, and why?

“Mostly angry at him for inventing things like the common cold and insects that plant their young inside of other insects who then slowly eat them alive from the inside out over the course of days or weeks.”

What would it take to convince you that atheism is wrong?

“A personal communion with God which did not allow for any ambiguity would do it. Or if I woke up one morning and suddenly had super powers.”

Wouldn’t it be safer to believe in God, just in case it turns out God is real?

“No, for two reasons. The first would imply there is a possibility that I could be wrong about something. That is anathema to everything that atheism stands for. The second reason is because God is a jerk, and people have all sorts of conflicting ideas about God anyway, so therefore the safest bet is to say they are all wrong and avoid getting smited.”

What happens when we die?

“Consciousness as we know it stops.”

On that same topic, what is consciousness?

“Self awareness.”

How do atheists account for morality?

“Morality is all made up.”

Then what’s stopping you from going on a murder spree?

“Haven’t felt like murdering anyone, I suppose.”

Are you going to teach your children evolutionism? Are you going to allow schools to teach them science?

“I haven’t decided for certain. I know those who teach religion are automatically child molesters… so I’ll be sure to keep them away.”

What are your views on Judaism and Islam?

“Islam is obviously pure evil and Muslims should all be hunted down and forced to be free. Jews are cool though.”

What about Pagans?

“They’re crazy, but otherwise good people because they hate Christians.”

Do you believe religion has any value to history, culture?

“No, every aspect of history and culture would have been better if religion wasn’t holding it back. We’d probably be having this conversation on Mars if it wasn’t for religion.”

Final thoughts?

“Atheism is the one true faith, all others are false.”




3 thoughts on “Interview with an Atheist

  1. Why didn’t the Russians make it to Mars and interview you from there?

    The gift of individual perspective is a curse?

    If insects eating children makes God a jerk, then you’re one as well for eating a burger.


  2. ““No, for two reasons. The first would imply there is a possibility that I could be wrong about something. That is anathema to everything that atheism stands for.”

    That one quote says a lot! It does seem that those who claim to be atheist lack humility, or we could say they are arrogant.

    Liked by 1 person

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